Testimony
Barbara Lim
My first inspiration was the gentle words of M. Winkler, the brother of a good friend of mine. He said: “I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live with them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer… take the questions and unresolved parts of your heart and live with them, pursue them, without figuring it all out at once.”
With these thoughts, I understood that I shouldn’t let my worries take over my feelings and actions. Of course God would not put all the answers on a platter and serve them to me at no cost. The only complimentary answer He has given to me (and the world) is the gift of salvation and His unchanging love. However, as for the rest, He asked us for faith and trust in our hearts, that through Him, we would live the answers we seek.
My second inspiration came from a short story written by Paulo Coelho, a famous Brazilian writer.
At an almost dying age, a man was visited by a group of friends. They asked, “We would like you to teach us what you’ve learned throughout your life.”
“I am old”, he said.
“Old but wise,” they responded, “after all, we always saw you praying. What have you been asking God all this time, and what has He told you? What are the wise things we should ask Him?”
The old man smiled, “In the beginning, I was young and full of life and energy. I believed I could do the impossible. So I would get on my knees and ask God to give me the courage and the strength to change the World into a better place. Slowly, though, I realized that I couldn’t do it alone. So then I started asking God to give me the strength and courage to help change those around me.”
“In that case”, responded his friends, “we can tell that your prayers have been answered, for we know how many people you have helped, and the many more that you encourage.”
The old man shared a humble expression and continued, “Yes, I know that I’ve helped many, but still I knew, I hadn’t been asking God for the right thing. Only now that I am close the end of my life on earth, have I come to know the question I should’ve been asking Him all these years.”
“And what is that?” His friends inquired curiously.
“ I should have asked Him to give me the strength, courage and wisdom to change myself.”
This story made me realize that God was already trying to make me live my answer. With this story, He shows me that if I grow up in Him, he will give me the strength, courage and wisdom to change myself, become the adult I want to be, and still live like a child in my heart. I still don’t know the plans that God has for me in the future. But today He wants me to trust Him and tomorrow He will point the way.
“For I know the plans I have for you” said the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…” (Jeremiah 29:11)